WAITING FOR TOMMY: PETER DAVID
By Richard Johnston

RICHARD: I promise only to think of you as the guy responsible for the existence of Marville. Is that okay?
PETER: Marville would have come into existence, I suspect, with or without U-Decide. Jemas just saw my fight to save "Captain Marvel" as a timely opportunity to launch it with some fanfare.

RICHARD: Well, you're a marketing man yourself. Okay, here's a budget. Save comics. What do you do?
PETER: I dunno. Buy lots of mylar snugs and some storage boxes, I guess.

RICHARD: See, now I've got no witty comeback there. You stopped me dead. Umm... I'm trying to think of something without mentioning breasts again. Dynamic Forces don't like it when I do that too much.

Ah! Who'd win, Hulk or Th... sorry, I mean, what would be the most surprising comic you'd save - surprising to the people who might possibly read this column?
PETER: "Fallen Angel." So many reviewers have expressed surprise over how different it is than anything I've done before, I figure I must be doing something right.

RICHARD: Should have seen that coming. Can you think of an opportunity in life to promote Fallen Angel, you wouldn't take?
PETER: A funeral. I think that would be inappropriate. "Did you know the deceased?" "Yes, and while he was alive, he really liked 'Fallen Angel.' Here, would you like a copy? Show it to your friends." Yeah, I think a funeral is right out.

By the way, the reason I mention "Fallen Angel" so much is simply because, with the huge signal to noise ratio out there, the general belief is that customers have to have at least ten to fifteen exposures to the name and existence of a product in order for that product to penetrate their noggins at all. Think about the number of times you've seen a commercial and really liked it, but didn't remember what the product it was advertising was. So I mention "Fallen Angel" wherever and whenever I can (that's reasonable) just to keep putting the name in front of people's eyes. That way, if they walk into a comic store and the store, by some chance, actually has the series out on the stands, the name will ring a bell.

RICHARD: You never know. So are we ever going to get that chance to dunktank Joe Quesada or put a pie in Bill Jemas' face?
PETER: What, burning a tattoo into my arm wasn't enough?

RICHARD: No, we demand much more from our creators these days. You've been tattooed, appeared on QVC, performed the Macarena on stage, fought Todd McFarlane... hey there's got to be some kind of comic book reality TV show you could appear on. You couldn't suddenly reveal you were born a woman or something could you? It would make for an exciting end to this piece, and I bet people would pay a lot more attention to the subtexts in Fallen Angel...
PETER: Well, as the old joke goes, the truth is that I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Not sure how many copies of "Fallen Angel" that'll sell, but I'm willing to give it a try.

RICHARD: I like Eddie Izzard's "I'm two lesbians trapped in one man's body - and they're cat fighting!" You'll send me the photos won't you?
PETER: Actually, I always like the line from "Absolutely Fabulous," in which the perpetually overweight Eddie says, "Inside of me there's a thin woman screaming to get out." And her mother, all innocent curiosity, inquires politely, "Just the one, dear?"

So yeah, if my inner lesbian decides to create a scrap, I'll be sure to have a few photos snapped off just for you.

Rich Johnston, author of gossip column Lying In The Gutters is waiting in hope. Peter David is writing everything, including Fallen Angel, if you managed to miss that point.

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