7. BUY A CGC GRADED COMIC. No, no, bear me out. Pony up the cash and buy a CGC graded comic from the wall of some dealer. A cheap one of course, the cheapest you can find. Then, in plain view of him, open up the sealed case and begin reading the comic book.

Then, when he faints, you can steal all his good stuff.

8. ENCOURAGE FALSE HOPES. Tell a bad artist that you're a comic editor. Say you're from DC, they've got so many and they come and go, the artist will be none the wiser. The worse the art is, the better your opportunity. Praise it to the skies. From the soulless eyes, to the lack of anatomy, to the fact they've actually been drawing with a prehensile tail, it doesn't matter.

Ask them if they'd like to draw Batman. Or Superman. Watch their fanboy eyes light up and head begin to overheat.

9. THERE IS NO TIME 'TOO SOON' TO DRINK ALCOHOL. It seems amongst some on the West Coast that the act of openly drinking alcohol is socially similar to that of snorting cocaine. Revel in the notoriety. A shot or two with breakfast always gives a convention an added sparkle. And you'll always find someone else to drink with - because they haven't finished from last night yet.

10. GET JOHN MCCREA TO TELL YOU A JOKE. Always the highlight of any convention.

Right now, where was I? Ah yes.

TALKING TO KYLE BAKER

I first encountered Kyle Baker's work on the third mini-series of Damage control, from Marvel Comics. I loved that book, a series about a team of construction workers and lawyers living in the Marvel Universe. And I thought Kyle's worked sucked. Hey, I was about 11, like I'm going to know.

Next was WHY I HATE SATURN. Okay, that's the bunny. I'll have been about 16, the perfect time to read the book. I wanted to be that witty. Still do, really.

Kyle Baker is also partially responsible for my bathroom and honeymoon - when his and Elizabeth Glass's Superbaby story -- among other things -- caused DC to pulp the Elseworlds' Eighty Page Giant, my having bought 30 of them, made eBay a very profitable place. I sent one to Kyle for free because, hell, he didn't even have his own copy. Kyle then proceeded to make a dollar off everyone who wanted to read it at the next convention he attended.

Since then, he's had a diverse smattering of projects - YOU ARE HERE, KING DAVID, TRUTH, UNDERCOVER GENIE. and now PLASTIC MAN. And mostly from DC, the company who so generously pulped him to an Eisner Award.

RICHARD JOHNSTON: So, what happened to the Kyle Baker who vowed he's never work for DC again after the Elseworlds Eighty Page Giant was pulped? King David, Undercover Genie, Cowboy Wally Show tell a different story. What happened to change your mind?

 

THE TRUTH #1 – SIGNED BY ARTIST KYLE BAKER!

KYLE BAKER: The exact quote I gave at the time was "It won't happen again," and I'm confident that situation won't happen again. I don't remember what the exact problems were back then (it's been a few years), but there were communication glitches where DC company policy was not being made clear even within the company, and as a result I was doing work which would later get scrapped. I had had two jobs in a row bounced, the babysitter and a Wildstorm job, and I really needed to know what the rules were before wasting any more time on a DC comic. Disney and Nickelodeon have clearly defined parameters for acceptable work, and even WB animation has a written list from the FCC of what you can't do. I've worked for all of those companies, and haven't had any jobs scrapped, because I know their rules. I've never been a troublemaker, I'm a professional who does the job he's hired for. PLASTIC MAN is intended to be family entertainment. I don't foresee any problems with content, since I plan to give it to my own children to read, and I wouldn't give them anything inappropriate. KING DAVID was a safe bet for DC because if anyone objected to the sexual or violent content, I just said, "It's in the Holy Bible, and I will not rewrite or censor God's Word." UNDERCOVER GENIE and COWBOY WALLY are reprints, so DC already knew what they were getting.

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