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Waiting For Tommy XX
The Challenge |
So there I am,
hanging out in the pool room when who should come in but Dynamic
Forces head honcho Nick Barrucci.
I
can tell its Nick. Hell, he's been on QVC selling Dynamic
Forces collectibles often enough. There's a man who could
sell broken icemakers to broke Eskimos. Sand to the Saharan
building industry. And collectible premium priced comics to
people who still had stacks of Deathmate propping up their
foundation.
He picks up a cue,
hits the white and spreads my balls all over the table. This
was clearly a man who meant business. He soon clears the table
- I don't even get a look in. Ball after ball after ball hammered
into the pockets. I try to look cool and fail miserably, due
to the fact that I'm a fat bearded longhaired speccy comic
book reader.
So, Nick Barrucci
of Dynamic Forces sets me a challenge more fitting to my portly
position. And just to make it interesting, he puts a wad of
cash on the shoulder of the pool table.
"I
read your Peter David interview
- very funny. That zany British humour of yours, right? Your
Monty Python and your Benny Hill. Right. I know my onions.
I saw The Young Ones once as well. All very clever, clever,
self- deprecating… and all that jazz. But where's the
meat? The salami? The Full English Breakfast sausage, don't
you know?"
I stared at Nick.
If he was going to start with butcher euphemisms for male
genitalia, I was off before he started chalking his pool cue.
Where was this going?
"I
have a little proposition for you." Oh dear, it
had started again. "Really, Nick, you should see
a doctor about that. They can do wonders with collagen these
days."
"Ever
fancied being a *real* comics journalist?"
Now I knew he was really trying to insult me. Me, a journalist?
I've always shied away from the term, unless I'm on a podium
accepting an award. But what could he mean? Reprinting press
releases? Receiving advance information until an embargoed
date when I would be allowed to release it? Or engaging in
marketing stunts with a publisher, despite my integrity withering
away to the shrivelled dormouse?
"None
of these things" Nick said, reading my mind. I hate
it when he does that. I removed from his forehead his Dynamic
Forces Brainiac Cranial Replica, soon to be on sale in comic
shops across the land. "I knew you were going to
do that,” he said. I didn't doubt it.
"So
what would you have me do?" I asked. "Interviews
dear boy, interviews. Not amusing jocular filler pieces designed
to titillate but then never deliver. I want the money shots!"
Back to that again.
I held my pool cue gingerly.
"Eight
weeks worth" he continued. "Proper interviews
as well. No puff pieces, no questionnaires -- actual interviews
tackling the issues everyone wants to know about. You do it,
and people think you've done a great job, I'll fly you to
a Wizard World East for the first American Lying In The Gutters
Live and you throw a pie in my face. You fail... and you donate
eight weeks worth of salary to ACTOR and the CBLDF. And you
throw a pie in your own face, take a photo, and post it up
for all to see. And if you still win this year's Squiddy Award
for Best Journalist, you donate it... to Ian Ungstad."
Quite a challenge,
I think you'll agree. But with Nick's pool cue coming closer
and closer, what choice did I have?
I accepted.
Why? Well,
a free flight to the US is always a bonus. Plus, Nick Barrucci's
payments for Waiting For Tommy have been keeping me in crack
and cheap woman for weeks now and it would be ungracious to
refuse such an offer, even if steeped in the clear and unambiguous
homoerotic juices that it was. What can I say? Obviously Nick
goes in for Harry Knowles look-alikes such as myself. He's
not the only one, the number of times I've had to fight that
Matt Brady off with a scrubbing brush. And I've got suspicions
about Mark Millar too - his end of year address was far too
complimentary to me to avoid raising suspicions. And of course
I've never been to a Wizard World before and I want to see
for myself if the proceedings are as exploitative and greedy
as I've been led to believe. And if those women wearing costumes
that need special shaving beforehand will be there. They always
go for a Harry Knowles physique such as mine. Always.
Plus, these real-journalism-interviews
should be a piece of piss shouldn't it? Really easy? I mean,
I've read The Comics Journal, every so often ask if the interviewee
thinks Los Bros Hernandez are the greatest thing since sliced
zebra. How hard can it really be?
Time to find out.
Next Wednesday (I hope) should see the first proper actual
interview with a major industry figure. Haven't lined anyone
up yet. Um. Maybe it's time to start making my own custard
pie?
The Tommy Interviews
start next week. Probably.
The
Waiting For Tommy Archive |
- WFT
Edition on October 13, 2004
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Edition on July 30, 2004
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Edition on June 23, 2004
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Edition on June 16, 2004
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Edition on May 26, 2004
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Edition on May 5, 2004
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Edition on April 6, 2004
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Edition on March 31, 2004
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Edition on March 17, 2004
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Edition on March 10, 2004
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Edition on March 3, 2004
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Edition on February 25, 2004
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Edition on February 19, 2004
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Edition on February 12, 2004
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Edition on February 5, 2004
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Edition on January 28, 2004
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Edition on January 21, 2004
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Edition on January 14, 2004
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Edition on December 31, 2003
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Edition on December 24, 2003
- WFT
Edition on December 17, 2003
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Edition on December 10, 2003
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Edition on December 3, 2003
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Edition on November 26, 2003
- WFT
Edition on November 19, 2003
- WFT
Edition on November 12, 2003
- WFT
Edition on November 5, 2003
- WFT
Edition on October 30, 2003
- WFT
Edition on October 23, 2003
- WFT
Edition on October 16, 2003
- WFT
Edition on September 17, 2003
- WFT
Edition on September 3, 2003
- WFT
Edition on August 27, 2003
- WFT
Edition on August 20, 2003
- WFT
Edition on August 13, 2003
- WFT
Edition on August 6, 2003
- WFT
Edition on July 31, 2003
- WFT
Edition on July 24, 2003
- WFT
Edition on July 17, 2003
- WFT
Edition on July 10, 2003
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- WFT
Edition on July 2, 2003
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Edition on June 25, 2003
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Edition on June 18, 2003
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Edition on June 11, 2003
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Edition on June 4, 2003
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Edition on May 28, 2003
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Edition on May 21, 2003
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Edition on May 14, 2003
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Edition on May 7, 2003
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Edition on April 30, 2003
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Edition on April 23, 2003
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Edition on April 9, 2003
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Edition on April 3, 2003
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Edition on March 26, 2003
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Edition on March 19, 2003
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Edition on March 12, 2003
- WFT
Edition on March 5, 2003
- WFT
Edition on February 26, 2003
- WFT
Edition on February 19, 2003
- WFT
Edition on February 12, 2003
- WFT
Edition on February 5, 2003
- WFT
Edition on January 29, 2003
- WFT
Edition on January 22, 2003
- WFT
Edition on January 15, 2003
- WFT
Edition on January 8, 2003
- WFT
Edition on January 1, 2003
- WFT
Edition on December 25, 2002
- WFT
Edition on December 17, 2002
- WFT
Edition on December 11, 2002
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Edition on December 4, 2002
- WFT
Edition on November 20, 2002
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Edition on November 13, 2002
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Edition on November 6, 2002
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Edition on October 30, 2002
- WFT
Edition on October 23, 2002
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Edition on October 16, 2002
- WFT
Edition on October 9,
2002
- WFT
Edition on October 2, 2002
- WFT
Edition on September 25 , 2002
- WFT
Edition on September 18 , 2002
- WFT
Edition on September 11 , 2002
- WFT
Edition on August 30, 2002
- WFT
Edition on August 23, 2002
- WFT
Edition on August 17, 2002
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