NICK: The finest film, bar none, featuring giant death robots, ever filmed. Not only does it feature some of the finest robot combat ever, but the sheer black humour and sparkling satiric wit push it well into my top 5 films of all time (the other 4 - The Iron Giant, Conan The Barbarian, Alien, and Fight Club). Plus - "Bitches leave!". Marvellous.

RICHARD: Transformers?

NICK: Pretty silly, really. To really dig Transformers you have to be able to dig that sort of late-Seventies Crazy Cosmic Stupid Idea thing, where you have to really strain to suspend your 'Oh Come On' factor and just revel in the fact that it's a story about a race of giant robots from another planet caught in a never-ending war, who turn into fighter jets and sports cars. Luckily, my disbelief exists in a default state of complete suspension. I have much love for Transformers, mainly due to Simon Furman's excellent stories I fondly remember being blown away by as a nipper in Transformers UK. I thought The War Within was like an explosion of fantastic nerdy joy, by the way.

RICHARD: Zoids?

NICK: Man, those toys were rubbish. "Mix and match to create your own original robotic creations", my arse. The comics were interesting, though - it's odd watching Grant Morrison tell the story of The Invisibles, but fifteen years earlier and through the medium of giant robots.

RICHARD: Data?

 

TRANSFORMERS HARDCOVER COLLECTED EDITION

NICK: Do you mean that poxy thing from Star Trek? Rich, Rich, Rich. I bet you've got a Star Trek uniform in your wardrobe, don't you? Come on mate, you can tell the truth. RICHARD: He's a robot, he fights and he's got an evil twin. Thought he'd be right up your street. C3P0 and R2D2? NICK: Do they even count? I'm loathe to confirm that anything without some method of destroying humanity counts as a robot, really. K-9 from Doctor Who was way camper than C3PO, anyway. RICHARD: It was to sado-masochistic thing of his always addressing his 'master' and 'mistress' that did it for me. Especially when one of them was in a leather bikini. Anyway. Metal Mickey?

NICK: You are making this sh** up.

RICHARD: Children's sitcom, robot that performs magic by rolling his eyes. Come on. 7 Zark 7?

NICK: You have to remember that I don't have the benefit of your advanced years.

RICHARD: H.E.R.B.I.E.?

NICK: Fantastic Four? I remember that as looking basically like a robotic turd with arms.

RICHARD: That's the one. Um. Running out of robots. Um. That one that goes "Danger! Danger! Will Robinson!"

NICK: "Danger! Danger! I'm a sh** remake! Gary Oldman, we're too good for this rubbish!"

RICHARD: The kid off of A.I. with puppy dog eyes and a teddy?

NICK: I wanted to like A.I., but it was seriously pointless. It was just starting to creep me out by the end. I would happily have watched the Shagtastic Adventures Of Jude Law The Robotic Gigolo for hours, though.

RICHARD: Big Trax?

NICK: MAKING THIS SH** UP.

RICHARD: You didn't have the programmable tank that could go forward, turn, move and tip its truck based on a complex programme it would take you half an hour to put in that would be foiled by the dog running off with it? You've never lived. Okay, let's go really basic. One of those ones with a key on its back that you wind up and it walks with its eyes flashing?

NICK: They shot one of those in recent Colin Farrell picture PHONE BOOTH for frankly no good reason. I was mortified.

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